i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
