You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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