Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
