maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
