I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
