just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
