Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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