in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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