He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize