i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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