Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
