The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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