we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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