i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
