did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
