we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
