when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize