I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
