I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
