You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
