Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
