Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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