So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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