i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
