i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
