which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Vodka?
Forever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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