I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish you could order shots online.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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