I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize