like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
