We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
