Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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