Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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