she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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