He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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