Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
