I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
