He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
