Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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