Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Are my feet made of real feet?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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