Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
