god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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