my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
