I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
