I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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