I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
