its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
