Define "chronic" masturbator.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
