$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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