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hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
