i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize