Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
