Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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