Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
