She's JV to your varsity
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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