The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
