someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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