I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
