maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
