I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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