I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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