she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize