perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
