Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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