Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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