well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
