His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
