i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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