When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hippo gnu deer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
