i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
