I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
