I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
